Monday, October 25, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
The "Perfect Storm" Blew My World To CR#P
It felt like getting called to the Principal's office when you know you are guilty, except you are not guilty this time. Like being in the middle of doing nothing wrong and hearing your Mother call your name, but this time you have done nothing wrong. It is a sinking feeling; a pain the the gut. Blood drains away form all the extremities sending a chilled tingle throughout your body. It is surreal and existential. It is almost out-of-body in experience. As if your entire future has been telescoped down to the now blurry space before your eyes, and you know that nothing will ever be the same. It is hearing the words, "We've decided to remove you from your position."
My call came as a result of a "perfect storm" I had sailed into of my own accord. You may remember a movie several years ago called "The Perfect Storm." It was about three separate weather systems that came together in a rare convergence to reek havoc and sink ships off the New England coast.
The systems that converged to form my Perfect Storm" were Politics, Greed, and Immorality. Nothing new. But this organization was a non-profit doing benevolent social work with children. Repulsive.
The Politics front:
I had served for 36 years with the larger organization that sponsored the smaller from which I was removed. I was appointed to my final position by long-time friends and supposed political allies. I had been asked to take another position with the organization, but this was the one I wanted, was qualified for academically and experientialy, and had a genuine passion and vision for. I would be working with people I had known for years and believed I could trust. What I did not realize is that I had inserted myself into a stinking, steaming bucket of political s#*t like I had never seen. Political aspirations within a nonprofit are not only disgusting, they are exaggerated and amplified by their very incongruity with the organization's mission and purpose. They are evil and deadly. The etymology of the word Politics arises from the combination of two words: Poly, meaning "many," and "Tics," meaning "Blood sucking parasites." This front alone could have killed me, but wait! Another front was moving in to compliment the destructive power of the Politics front.
The Greed front:
The blood-sucking parasites of Wall Street and the Banking scandals of recent times have much to learn from their superiors in the non-profit sector. These quasi-spiritual servants posses a supernatural sense of entitlement with a capacity greater than a super-sized Big Gulp. Perhaps somewhere in the distant and innocent past they entered their profession with humility and selflessness, but after years of honorariums and all-expense-paid travel, often only tangentially related to the work, they have come to expect, nay, demand the support of their now lavish, opulent lifestyle. Greed in the face of need. Disgusting and revolting. But greed kills. At first it kills the innocent who fail or refuse to feed the greed-need. Like a stone dropped into a pond, the ripples of death spread out in concentric circles of destruction. Nothing or no one is safe. Not even the true and genuine benevolent work. One can only hope that, having reached the limit of their deadly impact, the shock waves of greed will reverse upon the source and kill the sorry louse from which they emanate. One can only hope. The Greed front could have done me in all by itself. But wait! There was a third front racing to contribute to the synergy of destruction.
The Immorality Front.
Immorality. Depravity. Corruption. Wickedness. Sin. Like a tu*d in a punchbowl, this is bad stuff tainting beautiful stuff. In most any context, immorality would be out-of-place and unwelcome. But imagine the slimy creature insinuating itself into something truly beautiful and precious: a service to children-at-risk. Now, the immorality I am referring to was not sexual, but is was abusive in the way that morally-bankrupt, low-character leaders raped and pillaged the resources of the place. Funds given for the specific support of the program were actually used to buy a luxury automobile for the exclusive use of one of these moral midgets! Funds had been routinely misused and redirected for years. This was the catalyst that forged the other two fronts into the "Perfect Storm."
I sailed into it just by taking the job. I steered my ship into the teeth of the storm when I "blew the whistle" on what was going on.
The result? My long-time allies threw me overboard. My long-time friends and co-workers turned away as if I was a whore at a christening. I lost my job, my career, my network, most of my "friends," my identity (or so I thought), and eventually, my house. Two years later I had no choice but to file for bankruptcy.Thank goodness my wife has a job as a public school teacher. We now live on her income while I take part-time sales jobs, make and sell woodcarvings, go back to school, and apply for every job out there.
The story isn't pretty and it isn't over. There is no chapter yet called, "And now everything is back to normal." Life sucks. I am not happy. I am mad, hurt, resentful, pissed off, etc., etc.
But...AND THIS IS THE ESSENTIAL POINT...I am alive!
I want to share my journey with you and try to stay alive. Later I will tell you about my friend Buck, who has a Ph.D. in survival, my mentor and guide. So stay with me, because WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!
Buckism for the day: Only you have the power to let people make you feel small.
My call came as a result of a "perfect storm" I had sailed into of my own accord. You may remember a movie several years ago called "The Perfect Storm." It was about three separate weather systems that came together in a rare convergence to reek havoc and sink ships off the New England coast.
The systems that converged to form my Perfect Storm" were Politics, Greed, and Immorality. Nothing new. But this organization was a non-profit doing benevolent social work with children. Repulsive.
The Politics front:
I had served for 36 years with the larger organization that sponsored the smaller from which I was removed. I was appointed to my final position by long-time friends and supposed political allies. I had been asked to take another position with the organization, but this was the one I wanted, was qualified for academically and experientialy, and had a genuine passion and vision for. I would be working with people I had known for years and believed I could trust. What I did not realize is that I had inserted myself into a stinking, steaming bucket of political s#*t like I had never seen. Political aspirations within a nonprofit are not only disgusting, they are exaggerated and amplified by their very incongruity with the organization's mission and purpose. They are evil and deadly. The etymology of the word Politics arises from the combination of two words: Poly, meaning "many," and "Tics," meaning "Blood sucking parasites." This front alone could have killed me, but wait! Another front was moving in to compliment the destructive power of the Politics front.
The Greed front:
The blood-sucking parasites of Wall Street and the Banking scandals of recent times have much to learn from their superiors in the non-profit sector. These quasi-spiritual servants posses a supernatural sense of entitlement with a capacity greater than a super-sized Big Gulp. Perhaps somewhere in the distant and innocent past they entered their profession with humility and selflessness, but after years of honorariums and all-expense-paid travel, often only tangentially related to the work, they have come to expect, nay, demand the support of their now lavish, opulent lifestyle. Greed in the face of need. Disgusting and revolting. But greed kills. At first it kills the innocent who fail or refuse to feed the greed-need. Like a stone dropped into a pond, the ripples of death spread out in concentric circles of destruction. Nothing or no one is safe. Not even the true and genuine benevolent work. One can only hope that, having reached the limit of their deadly impact, the shock waves of greed will reverse upon the source and kill the sorry louse from which they emanate. One can only hope. The Greed front could have done me in all by itself. But wait! There was a third front racing to contribute to the synergy of destruction.
The Immorality Front.
Immorality. Depravity. Corruption. Wickedness. Sin. Like a tu*d in a punchbowl, this is bad stuff tainting beautiful stuff. In most any context, immorality would be out-of-place and unwelcome. But imagine the slimy creature insinuating itself into something truly beautiful and precious: a service to children-at-risk. Now, the immorality I am referring to was not sexual, but is was abusive in the way that morally-bankrupt, low-character leaders raped and pillaged the resources of the place. Funds given for the specific support of the program were actually used to buy a luxury automobile for the exclusive use of one of these moral midgets! Funds had been routinely misused and redirected for years. This was the catalyst that forged the other two fronts into the "Perfect Storm."
I sailed into it just by taking the job. I steered my ship into the teeth of the storm when I "blew the whistle" on what was going on.
The result? My long-time allies threw me overboard. My long-time friends and co-workers turned away as if I was a whore at a christening. I lost my job, my career, my network, most of my "friends," my identity (or so I thought), and eventually, my house. Two years later I had no choice but to file for bankruptcy.Thank goodness my wife has a job as a public school teacher. We now live on her income while I take part-time sales jobs, make and sell woodcarvings, go back to school, and apply for every job out there.
The story isn't pretty and it isn't over. There is no chapter yet called, "And now everything is back to normal." Life sucks. I am not happy. I am mad, hurt, resentful, pissed off, etc., etc.
But...AND THIS IS THE ESSENTIAL POINT...I am alive!
I want to share my journey with you and try to stay alive. Later I will tell you about my friend Buck, who has a Ph.D. in survival, my mentor and guide. So stay with me, because WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!
Buckism for the day: Only you have the power to let people make you feel small.
Do you know me? ARE you me? After 36 years with one organization, I lost my job. Now, at 58 years old, I have spent the last three years and everything I have to find a new job and anew career. This blog is about my journey.
This is not a story with a happy ending...yet. I chose to write while still in the fog that has enveloped my journey.
The heart of the story is about how I met an unusual character who goes by the name Buck. He and I come from different worlds. Before losing my job, I would probably not have spoken to Buck, let alone become his friend. I'll ell you more about Buck and me as the story unfolds.
I hope to accomplish 3 things with this blog:
So, read on and share your comments.
Today's Buckology: Nothing will ever be the same...so the sooner you learn to "Just say Buck it!" the better.
This is not a story with a happy ending...yet. I chose to write while still in the fog that has enveloped my journey.
The heart of the story is about how I met an unusual character who goes by the name Buck. He and I come from different worlds. Before losing my job, I would probably not have spoken to Buck, let alone become his friend. I'll ell you more about Buck and me as the story unfolds.
I hope to accomplish 3 things with this blog:
- Vent
- Encourage you
- Make money and find a job
So, read on and share your comments.
Today's Buckology: Nothing will ever be the same...so the sooner you learn to "Just say Buck it!" the better.
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